Loving Yourself When The Lifestyle Doesn't
Accepting the beauty that you are.
Written by: Swing Life Club Last Update: February 23, 2023 Category: Editorial / Educational
Kermit the Frog sang "It's not easy being green". I suppose we all have our thing that it's not so easy being. There's always something we don't like about ourselves. Being in the lifestyle can bring some of these things we don't like to the forefront. Vulnerabilities that we may have been better at concealing in day-to-day vanilla life. Outside the lifestyle we don’t really put ourselves out there, but in the lifestyle, we take that risk. Isn’t it ok if we aren't always accepted fully? In our day-to-day lives we can exist within our family and friend groups and don’t have to take a lot of chances on new people, but to participate in the lifestyle you often feel as though you must present yourself in a way that gives these new people a chance to reject you. This of course means you have to try and show off the things you like about yourself, and sometimes that means exposing some of the things you don’t.
It doesn’t have to be one thing that makes us feel bad or less than accepted. Human nature is that we will question ourselves. Truthfully, we all have those things that we don’t appreciate about others, so naturally there will be things others don’t appreciate about us. The good thing is that in the lifestyle there is a broad scope of interests and a wide range of tastes. Because of that, sometimes it clicks really well, and sometimes it doesn’t work at all. Sometimes the fact that somebody is not into you is written all over their face and you end up feeling completely rejected without much said. Rejection, in almost any way, can be difficult. The lifestyle requires socialization. It requires allowing people to get to know you and sometimes you realize that not everyone wants to take the time to get to know you. When others avoid you or shoo you away awkwardly, it can raise a lot of questions about yourself. Does my breathe smell bad? Did I miss a button and I look like a moron? Am I just ugly to them? Am I overweight, or too skinny? If you’re a guy you might be asking yourself size questions. It just doesn’t matter. Someone’s disinterest in you is not always a personal rejection of you. It’s just someone saying they aren’t interested in that moment, or those circumstances, or whatever it is. We can’t be everyone’s cup-o-tea.
There are many people who realize that you can’t meet everyone’s expectations. A “no” is not always a personal rejection of you. I have seen this apathy to being rejected work well many times. I have seen people get straight to the point in a conversation about what they are looking for and be very comfortable with the idea of being turned down. Being able to accept that some people will not be interested, and not turning that inward, is something we should all work towards. There are many things to enjoy in the lifestyle, and to let one person/couple/group change the course of an evening, or to sabotage your self-esteem only hurts you. There are a lot of reasons why people might not be into experiencing your company. There are so many variables you probably don’t know. Maybe they were already meeting someone. Maybe their partner is mad at them, and the night has already gone sour. Maybe someone is indisposed and not available for extracurriculars. Maybe they started out the night feeling confident and good, and because of whatever things happened to change that, they aren’t now. Maybe they have specific tastes, and you don’t meet them. The most important thing to remember is that it isn’t you, it’s them. But if we could all meet that disinterest with better grace, wouldn’t we all be better for it?
And if we are the ones that aren’t into that person that approached us, couldn’t we express that with kindness and compassion. If we could take a moment and let that person, who put themselves out there and has to hear a no from us, know that they are still an engaging person, we might stop them from that negative self-reflection. We would want that for ourselves, our friends, our partners. So, what do you do when you feel that rejection too many times, and those negative feelings creep back in to bother us. One thing you can do is trust and enjoy the people that do appreciate you. Those people saw something that they found compelling because there is something great about each and every one of us. Graciously accept that not everybody is into us and accept that we are great people. Realize that someone who wasn’t interested one moment might be interested later or at another time. That rejection doesn’t stop you from being friendly and gracious if you see them again, because you never know when those circumstances could come into alignment and something good can happen. People love positive people so show it off. I mean, were all here to have fun and fun should mean smiles. Too sappy? Nah.